what about Fella

I didn’t even like dogs. I got bit by one when I was child so I had always been apprehensive. But then came Fella. Well, Finn, Finney but he got his real name as Fella because he was such a gentleman of dog. I never met a tinier being that would try so hard to do the right thing. He came to us while we lived in an old, broken house where nothing seemed to work, except for him. He was a self-appointed seeing eye dog for our blind dog and true comforter and love to our family. He would watch over the house and kids, standing post to make sure we were protected and safe at all times. He was quirky for sure and had sensitivity to too much touch but that made us love him even more. We would beg him to come lay down with us and he would for a while until he would need to shake and stand watch again.  He was the best distractor of hard moments in our family.  I would say, what about Fella and just hearing his name would change the mood, make us soften and forget for a moment what was so troubling. He was sort of famous with the kids and our friends like we had a dog butler, but he always made sure to let me know no matter how much attention he got, that I was his person.  My favorite time was when he let me rest with him and his whole body would let go with the most amazing puppy sigh, like so glad you finally got slow with me. 

I got the call the other day, I think you need to come and I was the only one that could. And somehow every part of me knew what was coming. I was thinking please god don’t make this moment be mine but then of course I knew that it was. My heart thumped in my chest because it was going to take everything I had to walk through the next impossible. I know he was just a little dog but he knew my heart and he knew all of ours.  He had seen absolutely everything and somehow he still loved us no matter what. The thing is, I did not want to fall in love with him, he fell in love with me and never gave up on that even in the way he died. We are all mourning him for sure. There is a huge hole that has been left by such noble love.  His presence continues without even being here.  I feel him in the stillness and quiet. I sigh my own deep puppy sigh for the best dog ever, knowing without question, my heart will always change whenever I think…what about Fella

ps…a day after I wrote this, my daughter called to say she had dream that a big gray wolf was guarding my door & she thinks it’s Fella.

if any dog could find a way to be wolf it is him, I feel so lucky.